Women of Wrestling

APRIL HUNTER - Let's face it once you've done porn you probably aren't going to get a job in the WWE. April hasn't really done anything hardcore that I know of but has been involved in some softcore stuff. There is even a rumor of a April / Tammy Lynn Sytch shower movie out there.

Role : The good news is that her website http://www.aprilhunter.com is a big hit online and she really doesn't need the work. By the way thanks once again to April for giving a small site like ours an interview. I'd hire her in my WWE.

CHYNA - Call her Chyna or Joanie or whatever but I'd put my excitement about seeing her in the WWE right up there with my excitement about seeing her naked, absolutely positively none. I was never a fan of her before or after her sudden "I'm the Queen of the Universe" trip and I certainly wouldn't be too keen on her coming back now that there are women wrestlers who are ten times better than her.

Role : Wife of Sean Waltman.

DAFFNEY - She is the best free agent wrestler of all the women in wrestling. Not only that she has a great personality and is just a lot of fun to watch. She is not the typical wrestler / valet and she would be a great pick-up for the WWE. I don't know what it is but I have always liked the Goth goddess.

Role: Up with the cream of the crop in the Women's division.

DEBRA - The return of Stone Cold pretty much sealed the deal for Debra not to return to the WWE. In my WWE Stone Cold would be toast so she'd have a chance. I am more apt to hire the victim of domestic violence rather than the abuser.

Role : She has some merit as a valet and I feel bad for her, one husband was an abusive wife beater and the other was "Mongo" McMichael.

ELEKTRA - Elektra can make her boobs dance like a guy, that is so cool. Beyond that there is not really much to her, she can't really wrestle too well despite the fact that she is pretty muscular.

Role : She can do the boobie dance on PPV.

FRANCINCE - Ahh yes Francine has always been my guilty pleasure and if my girlfriend can admit thinking that The Rock, Stone Cold, Derek Jeter, DMX and Nick Hexum are fine then I can say that Francine is. Fuck I am in trouble. Yes, she is rather skanky but there is something to her that makes her my favorite women in wrestling. She is really a nice person too, if you have a chance to read her diary online you'll see that her persona is just an act. And I do like the tattoo on her butt.

Role : She could definitely be a great valet.

ICE COLD - Who has heard of her? I have, anyone else? She wrestled for the now defunct WOW and was a major star. I watched one of their PPV's a couple of years ago and she just stuck out, not because she is beautiful (which she is) but because she was the best wrestler there.

Role : She has a great gimmick and a great entrance and could be a welcome addition to the roster.

JASMIN ST. CLAIRE - Former gangbang queen and valet in ECW probably wouldn't get her too much clout in the WWE. She really didn't do much in ECW besides strut around with the Blue Meanie, after he changed his name to the Blue Boy.

Role : Not doing much and being a valet sort of goes hand in hand so she might be of some use.

KIMONA WANALAYA - Kimona, later Leia Meow is one of these valets who says nothing and really does nothing but still gets attention. She started as Raven's girlfriend and then bounced around in ECW and was most recognizable for dancing nearly nude atop the ECW arena. In WCW she came in as the head cheerleader for the Varsity Club a thankfully short-lived teaming of Mike Rotundo, Rick Steiner and Kevin Sullivan. After that massive failure Leia moved onto managing the Jung Dragons. She disappeared for awhile and was later released.

Role : She has great value as a valet and could give some attention to some lesser known talent that really needs it. Plus she is always willing to take bumps.

LUNA VACHON - I don't have a problem with Luna or any opinion about her, seeing her again would probably mean seeing Gangrel again which I am also indifferent about. At least Gangrel's music was cool. I would doubt ever seeing either of them back in the WWE.

Role : I don't care, if they can compete and ask for every little money than fine. At least the cool ass music would be used again.

MAJOR GUNNS - She's really popular and having real success in XPW. Tylene Buck showed that she could hold her own in WCW where for a time she was the top valet / wrestler around. When she turned on MIA and joined the side of Lance Storm she showed she could actually get a lot of heat which is odd for today's valets.

Role : I'd re-team her with Lance Storm. He seemed much better when he has a beautiful woman by his side, just look at his best days in ECW (with Dawn Marie) and in WCW when he was with Major Gunns.

MIDAJAH - Scott Steiner needs two things to succeed, a heel gimmick and Midajah. She didn't wrestle much and really just handed him his signature lead pipe when he needed it, but she gave him credibility as a Master of Freaks.

Role : Duh, I would team her back up with Steiner.

SABLE - I guess if someone leaves a place that they are doing really well for fame and fortune and then strike out you could call it "Sable Syndrome". Chyna suffered from this very same illness and look how great she is doing now. Oh well this isn't about Chyna but about the innovator of the mislead ego, Sable. Now you can say that there were others before Sable that have been guilty of this transgression, but she is the most recognizable. Sable was the hottest property in the WWE for some reason, oh yeah she had big knockers, but besides that she was worthless.

Role : Let her wallow in her success with her equally ego-tripping husband Marc Mero.

SENSATIONAL SHERRI - When I was a kid Sherri was the best woman heel in the WWF but then she vanished only to reappear in WCW. After she left a couple of years ago she's been missing in action. I would consider bringing her back, she was never pushed as a beauty queen so it really wouldn't matter how badly she might have aged.

Role : She'd have to be a heel so maybe she could hook up with Triple H or something.

TAMMY LYNN SYTCH - She has had a really troubled past but heck, haven't we all. I'd return her to her roots and give her the name of Sunny again.

Role : I'd team her with Chris Candido, it's natural since that is her husband and he will need some help to get over.

TORI - She came in as Sable's stalker and later screwed over her "boyfriend" Kane and yielded to the charms of (laughing my ass off) X-Pac and DX. She suddenly and abruptly was off of TV and ultimately returned on Tough Enough. After that no word from Tori since.

Role : There is always room for new women wrestlers or ones that know their way around the WWE.

Non-Wrestling Personnel

BOBBY HEENAN - The WWE has brought back Gene Okerlund and even retained Scott Hudson for awhile but for some reason has never brought in Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, the innovator of the heel announcer. He is twenty million times better than Jerry Lawler and should replace him on RAW.

Role : Color Commentator on RAW.

CYRUS - If Bobby Heenan was the innovator than Cyrus (aka Don Callis aka Jackyll) is the best newer version of Heenan around. In fact he surpasses Heenan in many ways. In ECW the best parts of the PPVs was when Cyrus would arrange for Joel Gertner to be hurt and would replace him.

Role : Color on Smackdown.

GENE OKERLUND - He was my personal fave as a kid but doesn't really have his head in the same decade as the rest of the WWE. Is it just me or has Gene Okerlund not aged in like 20 years, I guess he always kinda looked old.

Role : Backstage reporter.

JIM CORNETTE - Why the fuck isn't he still around, he could be a valet or something, this guy is golden. I went to a free show at an Indian casino a couple years ago and the main event was Al Snow vs. Kane and Jim Cornette was Snow's manager for the day and he was hilarious. He insulted just about everyone you can imagine and really made everyone who didn't know who he was hate him.

Role : Cornette would be an amazing addition as a manager.

JOEL GERTNER - Two words, "ummm nah". His funny rhymes don't compensate for well, his total lack of talent.

Role : Repeat, two words "ummm nah".

JOEY STYLES - This guy is without a doubt the best play-by-play man in the universe. He could do play-by-play for hockey, golf, bowling or even Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair matches and it would be interesting. Styles is the man and he should easily be a replacement for the lackluster stylings of Jim Ross.

Role : RAW play-by-play man.

LARRY ZBYSKO - He truly is "the living legend", you know why? He is legendary for sucking the biggest cock when it comes to being a color commentator. Nabisco is the worst fucking announcer ever, he is even worse than JR. All he ever talks about is himself and how moves hurt imaginary arteries, it is like sticking the Ultimate Warrior behind the mic, he is totally clueless and too proud of basically not being remembered as a wrestler.

Role : He is probably living somewhere is the upper part of Florida on a golf course and that is where he should stay. If you ever need someone to tell you how good he is, just give the Legend a call.

LOU E. DANGEROUSLY - No opinion, no input, no chance.

Role : Um, no.

MARK MADDEN - Oh wait one second, the Legend might not be as bad as...well no he is still the worst announcer ever, but the runner-up is Mark Madden. Madden did just about everything right in WCW, if by doing the right thing is fucking up totally. He insulted just about everyone which you know is sort of something like I would do in the same position. However the big difference would be that I would probably would say a lot of mean things but I wouldn't try and invent a lot of shitty catchphrases and be the only person to laugh at them.

Role : Madden sucks, snootchybootchies motherfucker.

MIKE TENAY - If Madden and Zbysko suck the biggest cock as color commentators, than what would you classify Mike Tenay as doing? He really wasn't the color guy or the play-by-play guy. He was like the third wheel on a unicycle. Just like a wheel he has nothing interesting to say. Ask yourself, would you really want to have a conversation with a wheel? Well if you answered no, then you wouldn't want to have a conversation with Mike Tenay. He is currently announcing in NWA-TNA along with a guy named Don "About as interesting as a" Post.

Role : He could announce something on the Home Shopping Network.

SCOTT HUDSON - He is capable but not overly interesting and doesn't have much in the way of originality. If you want someone solid that won't overly embarrass himself then Hudson is your guy.

Role : The perfect place for him, Sunday Night motherf'n Heat.

TONY SCHIAVONE - He is the BEST announcer in the history of WCW or at least that is what he would say. Everything to him is the "best". How is it possible that every single wrestler could be the best wrestler, he needs to specify what they are best at. What exactly is Lodi best at I wonder? Also he has the inane ability to confuse wrestlers with other wrestlers who don't even look alike. Don't believe me watch an old tape of Nitro and watch him confuse guys like Goldberg with Stevie Ray. Well it might not be that bad but it he does fuck up a lot.

Role : He could be the BEST announcer ever to show up on the unemployment line.

VINCE RUSSO - Read this carefully, Vince Russo is the one man who could change the course of the fate of the WWE. Vince Russo changed the direction of WCW in one damned show. April 10th when Vince Russo took over WCW was the second greatest day in wrestling history. He stripped all the champs of their belts, "fired" Sid Vicious and split the rosters into two divisions, the New Blood which consisted of young, talented wrestlers and the Millionaire's Club consisting of guys who need Viagra and pacemakers. It was a total revolution in WCW, one day they were the tofu of wrestling and the next they were spicy hot cajun fucking food! WCW was a tame, pathetic, poorly run shitbox and then the next they were rivaling the WWE in racy material and ECW in wrestling. Remember how I said that April 16th was the second best day in wrestling history, well the first was when he fired Hulk Hogan at the Bash at the Beach. Bringing the real "Vince" into the WWE would probably alienate some wrestlers but fuck them whoever they may be.

Role : Whatever position he would like, I would give him my job for that matter. Vince Russo is the savior of the WWE.

In addition to having good writers, good on-air talent and good management another key component to making a wrestling promotion as close to perfect as possible is a good minor league or developmental roster. The following is a list of what I would perceive to be the best assets to a developmental roster. Most of these wrestlers have had a lot of previous experience and probably wouldn't want to be relegated to the minors but wouldn't the chances of making it to the biggest wrestling show or a shitload of money be enough to change some minds?

In Development

Since I am designating all of these guys as "in development" they will have no "role" per say but will be a definite part of my federation. I will give them a rating in such terms of how long I think their development would take and what they have to work on to make it big in my fed.

AIR PARIS & A.J. STYLES - They were a great tag team in the indys and great singles competitors for that matter. Styles and Paris had a brief shot in WCW but didn't really pan out. With some clear personas and new names they could be in the fed immediately, they have the wrestling ability but no personas. Styles has had a lot of success in NWA-TNA as their X Division champ.

Timeframe : 6 months.

BIG VITO - This guy should be given a shot immediately but needs time to work out some better wardrobe and a better persona.

Timeframe : 1 week.

BLUE MEANIE - This guy is really amusing and since he lost weight has actually proved that he can wrestle. I actually liked him better when he was large and funny but he can still entertain. You can't really work much on that great persona but maybe he could take some time and improve his wrestling a little further and find a place for himself, he's not really a big guy and not too small either.

Timeframe : A couple months.

CHILLY WILLY - This guy burst on the scene in ECW with Balls Mahoney and was rather impressive despite the horrible, shitty name and having no real persona. Oh well if they can find a gimmick for a talentless fuck like Matt Hardy they can find something for anyone. Not many people remember him from ECW and he has no recognition name or otherwise so he will need something dynamic to get over. I am not sure about his mic work because I actually don't remember him talking.

Timeframe : 1 year.

CHRIS CHETTI - Chetti has actually had a few dark matches in the WWE but has failed to impress fans and staff alike. I don't understand this because Matt Hardy has fans and he fucking sucks. If you haven't gotten it by now I really hate Matt Hardy, "AHHHHHHHH" shut the fuck up and jump from the fucking second rope already you bitch. Anyways this has little to do with Chetti who is talented but doesn't really do much on the mic without a valet would need some time in development to do some mic training. Also he seems to have some injury woes and it may hamper him a bit and some time off would help a bit.

Timeframe : 6 months.

CHRIS HAMRICK - "Confederate Currency" would probably not be accepted in the ACLU-like WWE, oh wait that is right they are racist as fuck so they would probably love to have a redneck who wears an outfit with a rebel flag on it and is named after the slave owning South. They could even start a stable of racist fucks and have a bunch of rednecks join it, this is wrestling there are a bunch of rednecks to choose from and JR could manage. They could call it the Coo Clucks Clann (it's important to have misspelled names). Ooh and to fight them you could have a group like the Nation again. Anyways I like Chris Hamrick despite the gimmick, he is the first guy I have seen that climbs on the shoulders of someone on the top rope and does a leg drop from there. He has a major vertical leap and would be a good addition to the cruiserweight division. I'd give him a new gimmick fer'sure.

Timeframe : 3 months.

CHRISTIAN YORK & JOEY MATTHEWS - They are Hardy Boy look-alikes but are better than them. One is blonde, one is brunette to tell you the truth I always got confused about which one was which. Nor did I care. They really need distinguishable gimmicks but besides that they are a lock for a place in the tag team ranks.

Timeframe : 3 months.

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS - The "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels' name is always among the list of free agents who just might be given a shot but for some reasons he never has received his fair shot. I have only seen a couple of matches with him and he's been kinda impressive but I guess I am a little puzzled why he is such a star of free agents and there seem to be so many others around.

Timeframe : 1 year.

C.W. ANDERSON - He is one of the famous Andersons supposedly. I have no idea if he is any relation to Arn and the rest of the Anderson clan, for that matter I am not sure if Arn is even related, who gives a fuck about the Andersons? Anyways C.W. would have to be the best Anderson ever and executes that patented Spinebuster better than anyone in the business. I really don't even know what do to make him any better.

Timeframe : 1 day.

DeVITO - He's the small one of Da Baldies and his whole persona is just him being mean and tough, sort of like who half of the wrestlers in the WWE. He could use some polishing in the ring and some hard work on the mic. He is little but not really a cruiserweight so it might take some time to get him over.

Timeframe : 1 year.

DEVON STORM - You'll probably remember him as Crowbar of the WCW. He came in as a joke but soon established himself by working his ass off and taking the sickest of bumps. He's done paying his dues and should be in the WWE just with some tweaks to the persona.

Timeframe : 2 months.

DISCO INFERNO - I like Disco, he is a good guy and a talented booker, he gets near to no respect though. How do you expect any with that shitty name and gimmick though? Oh well I never said that a guy should be held back because the fans don't like them. Fuck the fans.

Timeline : Behind the scenes, immediately. Wrestling, unknown.

ELIX SKIPPER - If there is one guy that fits his nickname it is "Primetime" Elix Skipper, he is a main-eventer. This guy is so fuckin amazing, he is able to do what Keanu Reeves did in the Matrix (folding his body to duck the bullets on the rooftop, if you need more specifics than that fuck off) in real-life. He can be an immediate star in the cruiserweight division despite sounding like Michael Jackson.

Timeline : 2 hours, enough time to find some cool ring attire.

ESSA RIOS - Essa Rios never got a shot, never had a chance. He did get to go to the ring with Lita though, so it's all good. He deserves another shot, he is able to do a lot of shit that many others can't do. He just needs to learn a bit more English though or find another pretty valet to convey his message for him.

Timeline : 6 months.

EVAN KARAGIAS - If 3 Count is to be reformed than he can be brought in immediately but if he is to be a singles competitor than he needs some time to overcome the hillbilly-ness and work on having some charisma. I haven't seen him since WCW folded so he might have actually accomplished that.

Timeline : 6 months.

EZ MONEY - He made the biggest possible impact in WCW (as Jason Jett, he overcame that lame name) and established his own winning streak, even though he didn't beat anyone quite up to Goldberg-level. When WCW folded he was still undefeated and I am pretty sure he is the only undefeated wrestler in WCW history with more than one match. This guy is pretty big, moves like a cruiserweight and has an awesome repertoire of moves.

Timeline : A day or two to find a name other than Jason Jett.

JERRY LYNN - He was actually the ECW champ, can you believe it? Well he was and he was a good champ. Justin Credible was also ECW champ, so was Taz and Tommy Dreamer too. There is a long history of ECW Champs getting fucked in the WWE. His wrestling ability needs no work at all but his persona needs a lot of tweaking, gone are the days of saying "Champion of the Woooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllllllllllduh", Heavy Metal is dead and talking like a Heavy Metal singer is just about as dead as Dale Earnhardt.

Timeline : 1 year.

JOHNNY SWINGER - This guy is cool and should join his tag partner Simon Diamond in my WWE, but first he could use some work on his mic skillz yo (Cena-like right?).

Timeline : 3 months.

JULIO DINERO - He was part of the triumvirate of EZ Money, "Confederate Currency" Chris Hamrick and himself, Julio Dinero, see they have cool little monetary names. I want to be a wrestler called Juancho Peso or Larry Lira or Dino Deutchmark or ok, I realize this is getting stupid so I'll end it with Yang Yen. Anyways Dinero was kinda like the La Parka of the group, he was noticed more for his dancing moves than for his wrestling but he was pretty cool. Like Hamrick I don't really remember him talking either, damn EZ Money hogged the shit outta the mic. A side note, as good as ECW was they really had a lot of wrestlers with shitty names, but fuck it if that is their worst problem they still are the best fuckin fed ever and The Robb means....blah blah blah.

Timeline : 6 months.

JUVENTUD GUERRERA - If this guy could stay off the Ecstasy and stop running around nude in public high out of his fuckin mind in Australia he'd be a great pickup. Juvi is like the modern day Jake "The Snake", his inner demons (you know the ones that tell you to jack off in the middle of Economics class, anyone anyone?) prevent him from being a superstar. The Juice is terrible on the mic but fuck it, his in-ring skills are phenomenal. Does anyone remember when he started ripping off The Rock? Anyways, I'd have to see that he could stay drug-free and not strip nude anymore to give him a shot in the WWE but heck that is what development is for. "Eeef yooo smell whad Duh Yoooose eees Coookie".

Timeline : 6 months to mature.

KAZ HAYASHI - One-third of the Jung Dragons was a tremendous talent that went overlooked for too long and got a shot too late in the game to make shit work when they folded. He's a badass cruiserweight but the language barrier blocks him from doing anything major right off the bat. Most work at making guys superstars takes place on the mic and non-English speaking wrestlers usually have trouble getting over. That's just the way shit works. I am not saying that he needs to learn English to be a part of my fed but it might help, Tajiri was an exception but his career has sputtered as of late. Unless he is tagged back up in a Jung Dragons-type of situation he will need the mic work or a valet to convey his thoughts and do his promos.

Timeline : 3-6 months.

KID ROMEO - This guy had just about the worst line in wrestling history when describing Billy Kidman, he said "You mean that guy that's allergic to going to the gym?". Man that is just about up there with "Whatcha gonna do?". The Miami-bred Kid Romeo is the epitome of everything that I hate about Miami. He is vain, egocentric, dresses like Ricky Martin, dances like Britney Spears and ARGHHHHH!!! That is why he is a great wrestler, he is so easy to hate at least for me and that's all that counts. He isn't that great of a wrestler from what I have seen and he could use some work on that.

Timeline : 6 months.

LOW KI - He has been a major star for some time in Ring of Honor and NWA-TNA and has had a few shots in the WWE on Jakked! and other crappy WWE sideshows. Like Christopher Daniels I have only seen a few matches and he has been pretty impressive.

Timeline : 1 year.

MARK JINDRAK - Sean O'Haire's slightly less-talented partner in WCW is a great young wrestler and athlete. He is relatively new to wrestling and at times it shows. Jindrak should take some time to develop a solid persona and some time in the ring training couldn't hurt.

Timeline : 6 months.

MIKE MODEST - He is a veteran of wrestling that really hasn't gotten the exposure he deserves. Modest is currently wrestling for the fed that I do believe he owns part of, PWI. Where most people and I are familiar with Modest is from the movie "Beyond the Mat". He has a good gimmick and is absolutely great in the ring.

Timeline : 1 month.

MIKE SANDERS - This guy is probably the best developmental mic worker that I have on this list. He could use some polish on his ring work. So far his wrestling style has been sort of like Ric Flair's and that is never a good thing, even if you are Ric Flair.

Timeline : 1 year.

PSICOSIS - He lost the mask and got better but really never gained any level of recognition in WCW. For that matter he did pretty decent in ECW but wasn't too impressive. Buzz is that he was doing really well in XPW and NWA-TNA. He could use some time to develop a character and needs to brush up on his English or learn it for that matter,

Timeline : 1 year.

RENO - Reno is the most unknown bad ass on this planet, he debuted in WCW in a feud with Billy Kidman and was a big force for a short time but kinda vanished after getting injured. He has the best finisher on this list (either him or Modest) called "Roll the Dice" and is a strange but intimidating looking guy. Reno is another one of those wrestlers whose whole persona is just based on how bad ass he looks. He could use some charisma lessons.

Timeline : 2 months.

ROADKILL - If you bring in Danny Doring, you must bring in Roadkill. They are an oddly matched tag team but they have great chemistry together as heels or faces. Roadkill is amazingly agile for a 300+ pounder. He needs a better gimmick than being an "Angry Amish Chicken F*#cker" though. I know what you are thinking, why'd you censor this when every other word is "fuck"? Well because it would have to appear that way on WWE marquees and that looks just damned goofy. I don't have any suggestions for a better gimmick except maybe he could be that Quaker Oats dude.

Timeline : 2 months.

SCOTTY RIGGS - Scotty Riggs did absolutely jack-fucking shit in WCW besides join and leave Raven's Flock. ECW treated Riggs a little better and he had a good feud with RVD when he was supposed to be RVD's best friend and attacked Mr. PPV-RVD after he returned from injury. He could be an asset but I would need a little more evidence to give him a real shot at super-stardom.

Timeline : 1 year.

SHAWN STASIAK - Bad gimmicks abound for this guy in the WWE, first he was Shawn Stasiak, son of Stan Stasiak and then was Meat (or vice versa, I really don't care) and most recently was the forerunner to John Cena's white rappin' wrestler known as Planet Stasiak. Stasiak is the best evidence for the dominance in writing talent of Vince Russo and the WCW staff over the WWE writing staff. They actually got this motherf'r over, they paired him with Chuck Palumbo who has had his fair share of shitty WWE gimmicks and the two of them were over, way fuckin over too! They were tag champs for a long time and got major heat. Stasiak was originally released from the WWE for taping wrestlers conversations, this guy is not exactly a rocket scientist. He needs some time to mature and I have always found him to be quite boring in the ring.

Timeline : 1 year.

SUPER CRAZY - I just got a stroke of genius tag Essa Rios and Super Crazy up. They both have similar styles and despite the language barrier could do a lot of damage in the ring. Pair them up with a competent valet and they are gold, tag team gold. I'd let him train with Rios so they could develop team chemistry that is so vital to life in the WWE.

Timeline : 6 months.

YANG - The forgotten member of the Jung Dragons was also it's biggest star for some time during the end of WCW. He really showed a lot of charisma and a fun spirit in the ring. Yang is American born and does not share the same barrier of language as Kaz Hayashi so could be inserted into a good feud with Tajiri. He could use some time on the stick but besides that I think he is a quick insertion (stop laughing) into the WWE ranks.

Timeline : 1 month.

The Aftermath

This column has topped 40 pages and in that time I have learned a lot of lessons and hard truths and have been humbled due to the fact that being the creative genius is the hardest job in this world the side of fry cook. Nah, fuck that I could do so much better. I have come up with some other things I would do such as turn Sunday Night Heat into a place to air matches with only my developmental talent. If you are gonna stick a guy into a developmental fed for an extended period of time, you might want to give him something to look forward to and a better way to gauge their response then wrestling in front of 10 people in a high school gym. Also I would be in favor of starting a Saturday morning wrestling show that would be child friendly. You gotta understand The Robb love da kids.

I was fortunate enough to be able to see some NWA-TNA matches including a 6 man tag with Kid Kash, Shark Boy and Slim J vs. The SAT's and Amazing Red. Also I saw Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett and many others, the NWA's style is similar to WCW in the latter Russo controlled days. That is no coincidence since Vince Russo is in NWA-TNA, but unfortunately I didn't get to see too much of anything besides wrestling so I don't know how the writing is. The match scripts are amazing though, even Scott Hall looked impressive. It was kinda strange to see Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat in his what I could only guess is Commissioner role, man he looks really old. I also had no clue that Shamrock was there and was actually the Heavyweight Champ for some time. I would really give NWA-TNA a good shot to be great competition for the WWE but they have to get off of PPV because as much as I want to watch it now I can't afford $9.99 a week. NWA fucking rules!!!

Guess whose back, back again, Triple JR is back, tell a friend...Anyways that was pointless and whoever is actually reading this far deep in the column is probably used to it so fuck it. For those who don't remember Triple JR is a guest of my column that each week (or however so often I decide to update) gives us his slightly skewed point of view on the state of wrestling and whatever may be on the minds of those dwelling in the trailer parks. Well without further adieu I present to all of you "The Ross Says".

The Ross Says...
2/20/03

Hey here I am a-gain sitting under my 17 inch black cowboy hat, it's me Jimbo Jimmy Jack Ross from the Okey Dokey Trailer Park here in good ole Oklahoma umm Delaware, yeah Delaware. Anyways the word round here in the old trailer park is that a certain Rattlesnake will be returning to the WWE. Goody gosh golly gee that should be great, see I know I said some pretty gosh darn terrible thangs about Stone Cold when he was gone but shit people change. I know I had called him a "coward" and a "bitch" and a "nice piece of ass" and besides the third I think I was totally mistaken. Stone Cold is the best rassler in the world, he is my role model and the role model for all trailer folk out there. I can't wait until he starts makin business pick up and has some slobberknockers, that'll be a nice piece of work cuz he's tougher than a $2 steak and more elusive than an original thought. Oh well that's about all the idears I have for this a-week and I am all out of BBQ sauce and gay porn. Peace out homies, keep it fake.

Sincerely Yours,
Jimbo Jimmy Jack Ross or Triple JR

Hi, it's The Robb again, I know, I know that was worthless but whatcha gonna do...

Well that's it I won't be watching No Way Out in favor of the series finale of OZ, it's a shame it has to end but I'm thankful that they ended it before it got stupid like the Sopranos or the WWE for that matter.

Parting is such sweet sorrow, especially after 40 pages which is probably more than most of you have ever read in your entire lives. Well if you made it this far and didn't have to use a thesaurus more than 50 times you should be commended. So I leave you with these random, very random indeed, thoughts...

What's up with Mike Tyson's tattoo?

Alfred Molina as Doc Ock in Spider-Man 2, I hope it works out cuz one bad comic book movie and there will be no more.

The Ring and Ringu arrive on bare bones DVDs on March 4th, time to get scared again.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have a new animated series but it starts at like 6 am on Saturdays and then another episode airs at 8 am, that's really early.

Daredevil was an awesome movie, all the actors were great and even though I like sticking to the comics Bullseye's outfit was fine by me, much better than the Green Goblin in Spider-man. Kevin Smith and Stan Lee's cameos were great and I really dug all the comic in-jokes. Look for nods to Joe Quesada (Marvel Editor-In-Chief), John Romita (Legendary Comic Artist) and many more.

Penn & Teller's new show on Showtime, "Bullshit" is phe-fuckin-ominal.

MacGyver (TV Land), A-Team (TNN) and Knight Rider (Sci-Fi) are all on TV once again, life is grand.

Kobe Bryant is just killing people, just when I was beginning to lose hope in the Lakers he starts kicking ass, Go Lakers!