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He has risen
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So yeah, here I am doing my Undertaker impersonation, popping up after a lengthy absence. Only difference is that I look nothing like him, and instead of returning to the ring, I’m writing a column. My computer decided it didn’t want to work anymore. I was going to upgrade to DSL anyway, so when I reformatted my computer , it all seemed like good timing, but then I started to get hit by other things. Namely the tax man, a plumber, regular bills. So getting back online went from “in a week or so” to “maybe next month”, to almost a year later. Have any of you ever really tried to not use your computer cold turkey for a long time? It’s not fun.
During my absence a lot of things happened, a lot of which was likely written about, but since I’ve been writing this off and on for a while, I have not yet been able to read what’s been mentioned here. If so, well you get my opinion.
And yes, I know that I used my grave animation before, but damn I spent a lot of time on it, and it kind of fits.
On with the show.
A report was released late last year. As it turns out Britney Spears, Madonna, some Asian chick who had lots of tattoos and piercings, and someone else I don’t remember were picked as the most un-sexiest for ‘07. Now I admit I am not a professional at picking out who is sexy or not, but I think I’ll give it a shot at who is the un-sexiest. First lets start with Madonna. I don’t really know how she made it on to the list. Yeah she is passed her prime by like 20 years, she’s british now, but I’m guessing some of you out there would do her. Lets see if there is someone out there might be just slightly less attractive than Madonna. First person that comes to mind is the human voice box Whoopie Goldberg. I can’t think of any scenario in which she can get not only me, but anybody not named Ted Danson wood. Playing devil’s advocate, say the lights are out, and you are squinting, to get passed her looks. Aww man, that’s still foul. Ok, you get to that point of becoming the most hardcore guy in the world. You’re pretending it’s someone else obviously, but even though you think someone is starting a lawn mower next door, or some kids are riding their mopeds, deep down you know, she’s moaning. Now can anybody really say Whoopie is hotter than Madonna? Well maybe those who want to disagree for the sake of it.
Up next is Britney Spears. Allegedly she has been playing with things that can alter her mind, maybe drugs, maybe just booze, but it comes down to her wanting to party, and not keeping her priorities straight. It seems to me, that she does a lot of this for 2 reasons, because she likes playing up to the media, and she wants to do the stuff that people tell her not to do. I guess proving that nobody can control her. Maybe she deliberately is losing custody to her kids because she knows she can’t take care of them, and wants to go out anyway. I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. What matters is, would you still boink her? That’s what it always comes down to. Now most people say no way, but the reasons never really are clear. Ok, she shaved her head, she’s crazy. She had a couple kids. People love the and always talk about the hot mom/MILFS, but can’t get passed the fact that she had a couple. I look at her, and I think she still looks hot. I usually prefer Blondes, but the dark hair kinda adds something to her. Well anyways, she was nominated as un-sexiest. So basically the writers are telling and want us to believe that they would rather fuck Rosie O’Donnell than Britney Spears. I don’t know about any of you, but thinking of Rosie, I think that would be the first time ever, with a cloth made glory hole. Seeing her with her clothes off would probably resemble something you’d see in the kitchen of a pizza restaurant. You know with all that dough? I would suggest she slit a hole in her pants. Assuming she insists on clothes off, you have to worry other things. Will a clothes pin be strong enough to hold her stomach back? I’d be willing to bet she has a Gunt. Which is the foulest of all creatures. For those who do not know what a Gunt is, it’s when the gut, and cunt fuse and become one. We’ve all seen them, just try not to look. Thirdly, maybe not so scary thinking about it, did you just put it in a fold of her leg? I mean, if you woke up the next day, and realized that maybe you never really put it in and all this time it was a big chunk of skin of her leg, it would take some of the sting out.
For the record here, I AM NOT attacking over weight girls, there are thousands of really pretty girls that have extra curves, and there is nothing wrong with that. But come on, Britney Spears un-sexier than Rosie?
Yeah, by now Britney might look like an open purse down there, but you know, she is not - not sexy. One other thing about Miss Spears, I am really tired of hearing news reports that she went to a hotel, then she went to taco bell, then she went to buy a soda. Do camera crews really need to fallow her that much? A majority of the stuff reported is not interesting. Why is she given so much attention for nothing? Also it may sound kinda sad, but does anybody else think she she’s going to die within the next year or 2? It seems like it’s heading in that direction. I’m guessing it’ll have something to do with some accidental too much of this or that, you know what I mean. (allegedly).
Obviously I got tired of the “leave Britney Spears alone” guy and that that damn saying. I do wonder if that guy is getting paid though.
Third, was the Asian chick. They showed a quick glimpse of her, and what I saw wasn’t really bad. But she has tattoos, so somebody needed the third spot. Spot number 3 has to go Joan Rivers. I don’t really have anything against her, but come on, I don’t think anybody says to their friend at work, “hey man, did you see what Joan Rivers was wearing on that show last night? Man I ran for the lotion”.
Like I said, I forgot who the fourth person is, but I think my point has been made. If you really need a fourth person, how about Linda McMahon? How Barbara Walters? The list can go on. But now a real list has been made for the top 3.
The sports world is in chaos …..sort of. Last year was just horrible, Barry Bonds broke the home run record, the Patriots went undefeated for the season, but the balance has now been shifted in ‘08. Bonds may go to jail for lying to the grand jury, and the Patriots choked in the Super Bowl. Going into the year, I knew the Raiders would be bad, their going to be bad for a while, well while Al Davis is still running the show, but the thing for me during this past NFL season was that someone had to beat New England. A couple teams came close, but seeing them just squeak their way pass certain teams was pissing me off. So when they did get to the Super Bowl, I much like everybody else, figured they’d win. I rooted for the Giants though, but deep down I could picture Brady and Moss already celebrating with confetti falling down on them. Then history was made, one of the biggest under dogs ever pulled out the win. I’m pretty much indifferent when it comes to New York, well all NFC teams, but my joy was because New England had to cancel the parade that was already being planned. Watching the city that attacked the Aqua Teen Hunger Force fill up with tears and depression. That was all that mattered. Chances are they wont go undefeated again next year. In order to keep Moss, the management is going to have to gut the team in order to pay him. So either they lose Moss which was a big part to their success or they lose many not so big parts. A report came out that a St. Luis Rams player Willie Gary, filed a 100 million dollar lawsuit against the New England Patriots. Team owner Robert Kraft, and coach Bill Belichick. Were named in the law suit. It’s known now that the Patriots may have recorded the Rams walk through practice right before their Super Bowl game. The Rams were favorite to win, by a lot, but ended up losing by a little. If they did record the walk though, and edged out a victory because of that, it’s blatant cheating. Once the Rams got to the red zone during the game, they couldn’t score, somehow the Patriots were always ready. So now this recording comes into light, and it makes sense. All that glory that was stripped from the Rams, and Willie decided to sue them for that. I don’t know if this case will really pick up any steam, it probably comes down to him needing cash. That crew in New England are a shady bunch though. But when you have a coach who walks off the field with 1 second left. It’s not a big surprise. Anybody think Belichick will end up in the hall of fame? Probably not in his life time. I saw a little kid with a Brady jersey and felt kind of bad. The kid doesn’t really know what kind of person he’s cheering for. What kind of guy decides he doesn’t want to play in the Pro Bowl that is for the fans, all because he got punked in front of the world. Mostly because of a lucky catch. That, and New York’s defense.
Roger Clemens should probably confess about the HGH thing (if he did it) to get it over with. Ok his trainer Brian McNamee said that he injected Roger with steroids, along with Andy Petite, and Roger’s wife. He claims to have the syringe with Roger’s blood on it, and both Petite and Roger’s wife said, yeah it was true. Now everybody is fessing up, why would one huge part of McNamee’s statement not be true. If it wasn’t true Clemens would be able to sue for everything. It’s looking a lot like Clemens is fighting with everything he has to keep his legacy from being ruined. I bet right now he’s wishing he had Barry Bonds trainer. He still tries to fight it, it could only get worse if he’s proven wrong. Lying to a grand jury is not something you want to do.
Now is the time when I start to talk about comic books, but I have fallen so far behind. It’s going to take a while to catch up. For those who do not know now, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson were never married. Yep, that is the recent thing to happen in the Spidey universe. What happen was, the whole civil war thing went down, he revealed his identity, the King pin put a hit out on Spidey, but with his spidey sense. He was able to get out of the way of a bullet, but Aunt May got shot. So because Spider-man turned on Iron Man during the Civil War he became a fugitive. That was bad enough, but his Aunt may getting shot made things worse. The combination, of not having any money for proper medical attention, and being a fugitive is a not a very good one. Fast Forward, Spider-man runs into Mephisto who is Marvel’s devil. He gives Peter the choice. Aunt May’s life in exchange for his relationship with M-J, not only end it, but change to that it never happened. Plus even though it never happened, there will be a small piece of them that will remember something, and that will cause the sadness. You see, Mephisto didn’t want his soul, he wanted to end the happiness and unconditional love of the couple. He wanted them to feel dread. So what do you pick? The final insult was that a little girl proposed the choice, as it turned out, it was the daughter that they will never have now. But they did not know that until both Peter, and M-J decided to end it and save Aunt May. The storyline was really good. The only problem now, is that decades of story lines have been erased. That part sucks. So does Venom exist? Is he a fugitive? That stuff is happening now, and when I fell behind. The Amazing Spider-Man is out 3 times a month and I have no idea they are able to put out 3 titles a month.
Captain America is still dead. Usually when these stories end up with a major character getting killed, it doesn’t stick for very long. Remember the “Death of Superman”?
Cap is not some background character that should be dead, but storyline wise it’s really interesting. The comic is still put out monthly. I haven’t read the last issue, but Bucky is now Captain America. That doesn’t sit well with me. You can’t just give somebody the shield and then automatically give him the title. If you gave somebody who can fly and was strong a cape, is it really Superman?
Did you guys read “World War Hulk”? I dug it, but it seemed to lose focus. I know Hulk wanted to get back at the Illuminati and if someone stood in his they get their ass kicked. I liked that, but why wasn’t the War bound really used? The War Bound were his buddies from the planet the Illuminati accidentally sent Hulk to. By the way the Illuminati were a secret group made up of Iron Man, Black Bolt. Dr. Strange, Processor X. I think that’s all of them. World War Hulk started off really good. It started to get repetitive in some areas mostly with some of the cross over titles. But it was still good. My biggest complaint was the last issue. I didn’t think Hulk would really kill anybody in the end, so it wasn’t the story, what happen to the art? The pages started to look like dots. And I had to figure out what was in the background.
Oh well. You guys should buy “planet hulk” that is a really good book, then check out World War Hulk. It makes you feel really for him, and you could his anger and just hope he takes Tony Stark’s head off.
This is the slow time of year for movies, so I haven’t been going to often. But I did go and see Rambo. That movie kicked so much ass, I couldn’t believe it. It’s funny because people I talk to, say they don’t want to see Rambo because Stallone is old, what’s funny is that these are the same people who have a hard on for Harrison Ford, and the new Indiana Jones movie. I’m not saying Indiana Jones wont be good, but are people aware that Harrison did not find the fountain of youth?
So, Toshiba announced that they will no longer be making HD DVD players. That was made 5 days after Netflix announced they will only carry the Blu-ray format. When HD announced they will carry porn, everybody figured that would be the deciding factor, but as it turns out, HD will now join Beta, and the Dodo bird in exile. I’m glad I didn’t buy one. I was debating between the 2, but I started to lean towards blu-ray just because the movie selection is like twice as big.
Van Halen decided to hook up with David Lee Roth again, and go on tour. Some reviews say it’s great seeing Eddie, with David lee together again.There have been lots of stories how Eddie can’t stand to be in the same room with Roth, so an entire tour seemed not possible. It’s not a complete reunion though. One person was left off the invite list. The bassist Michael Anthony didn’t even know about a tour until after it was announced. Eddie has his boy Wolfgang playing bass. Seems like a big ploy just give the son an experience to brag about. And less about hooking up with Roth for the old school fans. I guess it doesn’t matter. I just wonder, what’s up with a new CD? Maybe, maybe not, I don’t really see it happening, but Van Halen III is such a horrible album to go out on.
When you don’t have internet access for a long, and actually have to go outside. I realized that one may start to come up with odd questions wondering around outside. Lets say you are in a mall, or at the park, or anywhere. You see a girl walking in your direction, and you happen to see that her zipper is down, do you tell her??? Any girl would want to be spared the embarrassment when she is getting ready for her pajamas, and realizes her zipper was down all day. So she may appreciate it. But then again, how do you explain what you were looking at when you noticed it? Never know the reaction.
I think there was a couple other things I wanted to write about. I seemed to be forgetting as fast as I remember to write about it.
This column was probably all over the place, typos here and there. but then you know it's really me, and you know, keyboard rust.
Until then, Beware of the shifty eyed dog.....
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18 Feb 2008 by Camilo
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