Lance Storm - Lance Storm is retired and was last seen working as a trainer in OVW. His contract with the WWE ends in July and after that will go be with his family. While I think this is a great thing for his family, I am sad as a fan of his. I don't think he was ever going to be a WWE main eventer but he could be the biggest name in the IC Title race easily. His career in ECW was amazing and he continued the stellar work in the ring and grew with his mic work in WCW. Sadly he has been jobbed out of the WWE and that is bullshit.

Lita - In my opinion (the only one that counts) she is the most talented woman wrestler ever. Lita is more talented than many of the male wrestlers in the WWE. I loved her as Dastardly Danny Doring's "bitch" Ms. Congeniality in ECW. Then she jumped to the WWE and got her boobs and paycheck enhanced. Her first teaming with Essa Rios (aka Papi Chulo) was pretty cool, she got to show off her high-flying techniques but the non-communicative Rios couldn't hold up his end of the bargain and Lita was sent off on her own to grow. Sadly a neck injury has slowed down her ascent to the top but she is destined to get back there. Unfortunately her character (and I don't mean gimmick) is not as sterling as her ring work.

Mark Henry - Jesus Christ this fucker is still hanging around, shouldn't he have been released in that big purge which got rid of shit like Steve Blackman. I honestly can think of no good deed that Henry has ever done for the WWE yet he is still getting a paycheck. He is represents an integral part in the worst wrestling angle ever, the pregnancy and resulting "hand baby" of Mae Young. The best thing about that angle is that she gave birth to a slimy hand and then told Mark to go wrestle and no one ever mentioned the pregnancy again. Just remember for every Rock there are two Mark Henry's in the WWE.

Marty Jannety - The forgotten Rocker is back in the hizouse, well sorta. He made an appearance on WWE TV pre-Wrestlemania and was signed to a deal shortly thereafter. He has yet to reappear on WWE TV because of he already had commitments made to several indy feds. He should be back on TV soon and I am sure inserted in a feud with Shawn Michaels, or maybe even teamed up with his former buddy.

Matt Hardy - Stop The Presses!!! This is one of those continuity issues, when I began this column he was still employed in the WWE but as of now he has been fired for having a bad attitude. Why? Well he got pissed when Edge stole his girlfriend Lita from him in real life. It's a sad state of affairs when someone in the locker room which is supposedly like a brotherhood steals your chick, especially if she is a member of that so-called brotherhood. I never liked Matt Hardy; I picked on him a lot and was hoping he would be off my TV sooner than later. This was not the way I imagined it, I figured his lack of wrestling ability would be exposed but this shit is unethical and immoral. If someone needed to be fired it should have been Edge and Lita but those guys are the draws and Matt isn't as big a name. When Jeff Hardy left the WWE the hourglass was turned over on Matt's career. Although Matt has left the WWE I don't believe my words, once typed, should be wasted so here is what I wrote.

The supporting actor in the Kane / Lita saga, Matt Hardly Talented was always one of my favorite wrestlers to rip on because he has no talent at all. The only thing he was ever good at was looking foolish next to his megastar brother. So his bro leaves the WWE and the dead weight behind him and Matt has to fend for himself and surprisingly he hasn't been released yet. I find it astounding that he still is involved in major storylines and that he isn't doing dark matches for Sunday Night Heat or Velocity (is that still around?). There hasn't been one single angle without Jeff that Matt has ever been involved in that was any good, or even worth watching. I can just smell disaster or the unemployment line for Matt Hardly Employed.

UPDATE : It seems Matt Hardy has fucking lost it man! On his official site (matthardy.com) he has posted these cryptic comments:

"And the scar will become a symbol -- a symbol of hope for the innocent.
The scar will become a symbol -- a symbol of fear for the corrupt.
And the scar will become a symbol -- a symbol of truth, justice, retribution, and punishment for those who deserve it.
The scar will become a symbol and Matt Hardy will be that symbol because the physical Matt Hardy that you see in front of you will one day die, but the spiritual Matt Hardy will never die. I will not die. I will not die. Matt Hardy, the Angelic Diablo, will not die."

Ok considering what has gone down with this guy in the last couple of months I am glad no one reads this column because as weird as that little offering was this next piece of evidence should put some fear into the hearts of Edge and Lita.

See that shit is fucked up. It is not like these pictures were posted a long time ago, these are the latest pictures since his release. Now I would understand if he was taking promo shots for his resume or whatever but what the fuck does a scary ass gun have to do with wrestling? Someone needs to give this guy a hug. Matt who posts on his website as "THE Matt Hardy" also had this to say about the pairing of Edge and Lita "And this Monday, if the WWE decides to put Adam and Amy together, show them that we're not stupid. Matt Hardy is the real life victim of this tasteless situation, and don't let the WWE forget that. Don't let them get away with it without letting them know that you know. Sometimes you have to fight the power to become the power". Now that is something I agree with.

Maven - I believe my first words in regards to the Tough Enough champion were something along the lines of "Maven sucks". Once again I prove myself to be the Dionne Warwick's psychic friend of the column biz. I told you mofo's so! It's been a couple of years and besides some more muscle definition the guy still is an embarrassment. Athletically he is gifted, but not all athletes can wrestle (Billy Gunn anyone?). When someone puts a mic in his face I want to do a reverse The Ring-girl and go into the TV and kill him. Maven should be released but I doubt the WWE will do that anytime soon since it would seemingly show that they are aware they fucked up, of all the Tough Enough winners he has been pushed hardest. Pride, it's a bitch ain't it Vincey-Poo? Maven is now hooked up with Simon Dean and well that teaming pretty much sucks. I recently saw a Dean & Maven vs. Hurricane & Rosey match where Maven got the bulk of the ring time and Dean only got to kick Hurricane and get knocked around. It's really shitty when the better part of a team is not getting the spotlight.

Mick Foley - You know by now my feelings on Jim Ross, well I feel exactly the opposite about Mick Foley. I love Mick, he is one of my favorite wrestlers of all-time, not just because of his crazy talent but because of the person that Mick Foley. Sure he is a shameless shill who will do anything to sell his books but God Bless him for that. I think the last couple of years of Mick's WWE career have been less about wrestling but more about advertising for his various ventures. I have read his two autobiographies but have been lax in getting to his works of fiction but I remain interested in them and will eventually get to 'em. Honestly I would love to hear that Mick is super rich and no longer needs to align himself with a prick like Vince but I know it won't happen. Guys like Stone Cold come back because besides beating his newest piece of trim what else is he gonna do besides relive the glory days? A guy like Mick comes back to sell books, I don't think he misses the spotlight because I am sure he feels that love at home. Alright everyone, all together AWWWWWW!!! Thank you.

Molly Holly - Ok stop the presses again!!! Molly has since been released from her WWE contract. Once again I am not going to waste my words by hitting the delete button, plus I have some points to make.

Besides Lita I think Molly is really the only Diva who can actually really wrestle, not just that fake wrestling that Trish excels at. Starting as Randy Savage's valet in WCW I didn't see much to in Molly. Upon her entrance into the WWE it was obvious she was more than just a huge booty. I really liked her role as the innocent Holly cousin and thought her interplay with Crash was good. When she turned bad it was a shock but it worked well as she had the wrestling skill to back up her fair mic work. She is being shoved aside because beauty more than brawn rules in the woman's division. There is a hierarchy in the diva division. At the top are women who are beautiful who either can't wrestle or wrestler poorly such as Trish (best of the worst), Stacy, Torrie and the majority of the other women. Then there are the women who can wrestle and aren't bad to look at like Victoria and Molly. Finally there are the women who can wrestle and are might as well have balls like Jazz and Jackie (not Miss Jackie).

Muhammed Hassan - The other half of this fucking bullshit evil Muslims angle. I am not Muslim but I do know that Muslim are not allowed to have tattoos or if they are converts they are not allowed to display their tats, Hassan has a big ass one on his shoulder. So what's the deal is he or isn't he Muslim? His debut was against Jerry Lawler at a PPV, Jesus Christ what the fuck!!! Why is Lawler still allowed in a wrestling ring? This Hassan guy seems like a great wrestler and good mic worker so why make him resort to this blatant attempt at outrage?

A couple of years ago if a wrestler even was teased as having a gimmick like this there would be an public outcry or at least a Dateline story about it. Fast forward to today and we see that there is no outcry, no headline on 20/20, 60 Minutes or any other numbered news show. Why? Well not because Americanos are not as sensitive, please our fucked up government is more sensitive than ever (censorship sucks dick!!!). It is because wrestling is nowhere nearly as popular or dangerous (in the minds of conservatives) as it was a couple of years ago.

This ain't gonna stop the powers that be in the WWE though, I predict they are going to try some awfully sick shit in the future to get some heat. The controversial nature of the wrestling biz helps sell tickets and attract viewers, but due to lack of quality many fans jumped ship. The lack of support weakened the popularity and quality of the gene pool of the fan population decreased. Seriously, it is like reverse Darwinism, when wrestling began to suck dick the first to leave were the most intelligent and the hanger-ons are pretty much the dregs of society, sad pathetic little motherfuckers. Anyways when everyone with a brain to argue was done with wrestling the clowns in Congress and the Senate had no one to have a dialogue with. So those bitches have moved on to investigating baseball players for roids. I am wondering how long it will be till a WWE wrestler works an angle with steroids being involved somehow.

Randy Orton - Orton is one of the young stars with a push that I can't argue with, the WWE was right in pushing this guy along so quickly. What is amazing is that when he got hurt a couple years back and returned just to get injured again the word out of WWE-ville was that he was on his way out because he was injury prone. Now the guy is the second coming of The Rock. Out of the entire WWE roster (Smackdown included) I think this guy fits the WWE mold of a Champion more than anyone else. What this means is that I think he can sell the most t-shirts, action figures and personalized anal beads. I have no complaints about him being a major player in the WWE I just hope they play to his strengths and don't run this budding star into the ground. Ok here is another continuity problem, as of the revision of this column Orton is hurt again. I still think he is great he just needs to stay healthy.

Rhyno - Here we fucking go again, problem time. Rhyno has since been fired from the WWE for having an argument with his wife in the lobby of a hotel after Wrestlemania. So let me get this straight Stone Cold can beat the shit out of every wife and girlfriend he has but Rhyno can't raise his voice to his wife? What kind of lopsided thinking is that? Anyways this is fucked up and hopefully he lands on his feet somewhere. Here are my thoughts pre-release about Rhyno.

ECW gold is WWE shit, Tommy Dreamer, Tazz and even RVD to an extent are never going to be names they were in ECW. I have accepted this fact but it doesn't make it right. So out of the three promotions thriving in the late 90's the least worth watching won the war but they have no excuse for that they have done with the spoils of victory. Coming on the heels of destroying WCW and ECW the WWE plucked up the best and brightest of those feds and systematically destroyed nearly all of their careers and legacies. Rhyno seemed to have a shot; he seemed to get a decent push but then got hurt and was forgotten. The nail in his coffin was when the twig Edge began using his "Gore" and fucked it all up. In a promotion that I ran Rhyno (the last ECW champ) would be a main eventer.

Ric Flair - Isn't he dead yet? C'mon God, you take Owen Hart, British Bulldog and Bossman and this bastard is still running around in his underwear, what's the deal man? Ok that may be a bit harsh but he's due for a heart attack any day now. I guess I just booked the condo next to Vince in Hell, which would be an eternal punishment in itself. Flair is the biggest legend still working and judging by the average lifespan of a wrestler this guy is Methuselah and judging by his tits this guy is the Pam Anderson of the WWE. This guy shouldn't be wrestling anymore; he should be added to the divas roster so he can flaunt those double D's. I promise I am going to move past my obsession with Flair's boobs one day, but not today. Damn that dude has a huge floppy rack man!!! I think he would be a great manager just as long as he keeps those knockers covered up and never has an official match again.

Rob Conway - I remember this guy as the dude who dressed up as an Air Force cadet and turned on hmmm, someone. It was the most ridiculous turn because it was so obvious, the wrestlers (Dudleys I believe) picked out the most wrestler-looking cadet in the crowd, riiiiiiiight!!! Who cares though, its wrestling and it's the WWE so it isn't supposed to make sense right? Why not talk down to your audience when they don't demand or expect anything else but be force fed the same bullshit time and time again.

Conway was part of the defunct rip-off of Team Canada (take your pick WCW or NWA-TNA) or the evil version of the Hart Foundation. Speaking of my neighbors to the North I really enjoy when the WWE goes to Canada because those fuckers hold a grudge, I love hearing "You screwed Bret" every time HBK walks out no matter how badly the WWE is trying to push him as a face. God Bless Canada, even though it sucks. Anyways Rob Conway is a good wrestler, he's got some technical skill and you know what I don't give a fuck about this guy....NEXT!!!

Romeo of The Heart Throbs - The new Billy or is it the new Chuck? You know what I don't care either. Interesting story they were originally named The Heartbreakers but their name was changed to The Heart Throbs because the WWE thought people would get confused between them and Shawn Michaels. Yes WWE fans the powers-that-be think you are a fucking moron. And you know what, they are right!

Shawn Michaels - Ugh!!! I hate this bastard, like the Canadians I still am holding a grudge against Shawn for being part of the screwjob of Bret Hart. Shawn Michaels was a talented wrestler I have to admit that. As part of the Rockers I loved the guy and I blindly hated him as a heel when he feuded against Bret. However this HBK isn't the same dude, he is not a good wrestler anymore, injuries robbed him of his athleticism and the small dose of it he shows is way too exaggerated by the horrendous announcing teams in the WWE. Someone please give Joey Styles a call, he could shape that ship up. Besides his diminished wrestling ability I cannot but him as a good guy because of his career spanning reputation as the biggest spoiled, egotistical, selfish asshole in the WWE besides its esteemed steaming pile of shit owner and pause-faced announcer. I don't care how much "faith" he has, he still screwed Bret!

Simon Dean - (Continuity Error) I have never seen this guy wrestle or know anything about him. I saw a picture of him on WWE.com and I can already tell that I am going to hate him. For some reason he reminds me of Bob Backlund and I really hated him. The WWE should dump Simon Dean and pick up Simon Diamond instead. By reading his profile I can begin to see my prophecy from the Mohammed Hassan entry coming true. Maybe his Simon System will be shown to contain steroids. HOLY SHIT!!! I just found out that Simon Dean is in fact NOVA, NOVA from fucking ECW!!! Holy shit! Nova was one of my favorites in ECW and now he is doing this gimmicky shit, ughhh. Yeah I know that reading this entry it looks like I did a 180 and yeah I kinda did but c'mon it's fucking Nova. His gimmick right now sucks but its fucking Nova!

(Current Thoughts) I have since seen him wrestle and I am pissed as hell because he is capable of being a great in-ring talent but he is going to get released or repackaged. It isn't official or even a rumor at this point but how long is this shtick gonna last? The one thing I can say is that he has gotten better on the mic, although he was talking complete horseshit about vitamins and whatnot.

Stacy Keibler - What can I say about Stacy that hasn't already been masturbated about a million times before? She is one hot woman, I really like the fact that the breast obsessed fans of the WWE can't even get their minds around how impressive her legs are to complain about her lack of a bust. I am also glad she hasn't undergone the seemingly mandatory breast enlargement surgery for WWE Divas (and Ric Flair). Stacy is the best valet in the business but she should never rise above that rank, Miss Elizabeth should be her role model. In all of Liz's career she was only booked in one match and that was towards then end of her run in Vince Russo's WCW (or as I call it, paradise). Stacy you are one of a kind, don't ever change and don't forget to lock the door on your way out baby.

Steven Richards - I like Stevie Richards, not Steven Richards, Stevie Richards. There is a difference, Stevie Richards wore midriff baring shirts and daisy dukes. Steven Richards is best remembered for wearing the uniform of a Mormon. Now while I was never a fan of Stevie's attire I thought he was one of the more talented mic workers in ECW and he could more than hold his own in the ring. I don't think Steven or Stevie will ever see his star shine as brightly as it did in ECW in the WWE. I really believe his best move would be to reunite with Raven in NWA-TNA. He may be as Raven once told him "his bitch" but it beats being a fucking punching bag for the likes of Chris Masters.

Stone Cold Steve Austin - Recently I watched some old ECW PPV's with Steve Austin before he was Stone Cold and I really began to see a guy I could like. I had seen them before but I never really realized that I would have liked him so much better if he remained the way he was in ECW. It surprised me because from my first wrestling column (or rant as Manny would call it) I incessantly bashed this guy to bits. In ECW he was really different, he was manic and crazy. In the WWE he basically stole elements of Sandman's gimmick and sanitized it to the WWE's standards. I don't respect a guy getting famous on what someone else was doing years before.

Stone Cold is a guy I am never going to like, he has been the worst WRESTLER (not entertainer) in the WWE for the last couple of years (when not sitting at home pouting or injured). His matches have always bored me to tears and I really don't love a guy who just stuns people for the hell of it. When he stunned Mick Foley (who was the biggest face at the time) upon his return a couple of years ago and the crowd went bonkers it pissed me off. I seriously wanted to fuck up every single fan in that arena, fuck all those people there that night. Why do people like him? I guess it is the emotional response to a guy who does what he wants when he wants, or just mental retardation (Trish which is it?).

I have to admit he has come up with some good shit over the years. While everyone was booing his love affair with Vince when the second ECW Invasion took place I was laughing my ass off. Here is a guy who made a name for himself by beating up and cussing his boss now he always wants a hug from the guy. That is comedy. In the last few years of wrestling that episode along with "Soda's rule" are the two shining moments in the WWE for me. Stone Cold is back from hell or Texas now (same place) and apparently ready for another punch-punch-kick-stunner marathon run with the WWE. Hopefully they will not adorn him with a belt again because that would just suck. Ahh whatever not like I am going to watch anyways, might as well make him cruiserweight champ.

Sylvain Grenier - Another one of the guys I really am not going to waste my time with, I just added him onto this list because I figured I have mentioned him in previous editions of Robb is WAR and should do so here. So there it is, I have written about him can I move on now, fuck this guy.

Tajiri - Tajiri is another guy who is amazing (or has the potential) in the ring but is about as exciting as tap water as an entertainer. Most guys fall into the category where they are either wrestlers or entertainers; there are very few Rocks or RVDs. Anyways Tajiri was a fucking phenom in ECW and was a qualified top card guy, in WWE he will never reach that level because the main draws always have to be heavy on entertainment and actual ringwork is sort of a side benefit if all possible (for example, Stone Cold).

This guy shouldn't be in the WWE, I think the perfect place for all the old ECW refugees and a good majority of the WCW evictees is NWA-TNA which has better wrestlers but worse entertainers. Before I inspire hate mail let me say NWA has its fair share of bullshit but they have many good wrestlers in and out of their X Division. Instead of just hating on them because they aren't the WWE give them a chance, I know I am preaching to the deaf, stupid and impotent (just a guess) but it might work one of these days. Fat chance.

Triple H - The former, and as long as he is banging away at Stephanie McMahon, forever Champion. Not that there is anything wrong with that; Trip is the best villain the WWE has had since The Rock had long sideburns. Being married to the daughter of the biggest ego in Sports Entertainment has to be a contributing factor to his lengthy run as champ but the dude has earned his stripes. Starting as a punk ass French creep bowing to the crowd who woulda thunk that he would one day be able to place his name next to WWF greats such as Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair and who would have thought he could actually wrestle those geriatric fucks this late is his damned career not to mention theirs. The best thing about Triple H is when he beats the ever-loving shit out of Fat Ole J.R. Make that piggy bleed Hunter!

Tyson Tomko - He is the Problem Solver for Trish and Christian, besides that I don't know shit about this guy. I have seen him once or twice and he seems to be a more tatted up version of A-Train. He's a big dude and looks pretty mean but I haven't seen him wrestle so I can't elaborate too much on him. He's got the look so maybe there is a future for him.

Val Venis - I am glad this guy is still around; I always got a kick out of Val Venis. His attempted castration at the hands of Taka Michinoku was pretty fucking hilarious and I think that Val is a severely underrated talent. As a wrestler I think he is the heir apparent to Mr. Perfect and his persona has potential to take on a Perfect-esque quality with a XXX twist. I am glad he moved past the Chief Morley phase but I don't think he will ever hold a major belt again; he is fodder for dark matches because the WWE doesn't know its head from its ass.

Victoria - I really like Victoria, I think she is good looking enough to be in the upper echelon of divas and this lady can wrestle her ass off. It is confusing to me that Victoria, Trish and Torrie were all successful fitness models but only one is a really good wrestler. I think that has more to do with the fact that Victoria was trained before debuting unlike Torrie and Trish who were fast-tracked to the wrestling circuit because of their superior T & A. Victoria is a perfect women's champ and should be pushed to the upper level of the diva circuit as often as possible.

Viscera - Remember a couple of paragraphs before when I mentioned filling a roster with scrubs, well this guy is big enough to count as two scrubs. Why is he back, can anyone explain to me what is the point of having this fucker back? I would much rather see Mideon (who is actually pretty good in IPW) back, but not Naked Mideon cuz that shit was nasty. Undertaker (in his bathrobe regalia) and his Acolytes were a good idea at the time and to a lesser extent so were the combo of Mideon and Vicsera but that time has passed. Now he has this Barry White / date rapist gimmick going on and all I can say about it is that it provides just enough time for me to take a shit during RAW.

William Regal - What a fucking joke this is! William Regal is awful as a wrestler, yeah he is quite good on the mic but I enjoyed him much more as a Commish than a wrestler. This is the same jag-off who was the "Man's Man" and was called a "fag" by the Godfather (at least that asshole is gone) on RAW a couple of years back. Regal should not be in the ring, he should take Tazz' position at the announce table and let a guy with actual ability be one half of the tag champs.

Ok intrepid explorer onto Page 3 for you and the continuation of the roster evaluation. Smackdown ahoy!!!